Cat

I needed a little something extra this morning as hubby knelt between my legs with my ankles resting on his shoulders! I put the cat o' nine tails in his hand and let him give it to me across my boobs and my belly. *mmmmmm*

If my life were a movie...

I tag *everyone*.

Who would be on the short list to play the part of you? Naturally I would love to have Angelina Jolie. If not then Charlize Theron. I'm also become somewhat partial to an adult film star by the name of Brandy Talore, who seems to share some of my features and build. If she would consider going mainstream, then let's have her people call my people! *giggle*

In a 15-second spot during a Super Bowl timeout, what would be the tagline for your movie? There would be thunder and lightning, heard and seen through an open window in a dark room. Then a sound of rain beating down, gradually becoming louder. As the camera pans, it becomes apparent that it isn't rain at all, but the sound of a shower. We can't see into the shower because it is all steamed up, but now we hear the sound of whimpers and moans increasing in intensity. Then the tagline: "SHE'S CUMMING--THIS SUMMER"

What genre would the movie be? Romantic comedy/action/adventure/erotic--The Wedding Planner meets 9 1/2 weeks meets Lara Croft meets 007.

What rating would be given by the MPAA? PG-13: Strong language, violence, gratuitous display of ample boobs and a scene or two of sexual content.

What rating would it draw from the critics? They'd lambast it. I wouldn't give a fuck.

Where would the story take place? It would begin in Minnesota, with many parts of the story taking place in Los Angeles, Chicago, New York and in a South American rainforest.

When would the story take place? "In the not too distant future". My vibrating egg would be high-tech and would fulfill about ten other neat functions--besides getting me off!

Who would have a cameo appearance? Gwen Stefani--and Angelina if she wants one. (Let's face it, her people ain't calling!)

Would there be a "calling card"? (i.e. Arnold--"I'll be back") In every sequel, there would be a tie-in with Starbucks! In one movie the heroine meets the agent at Starbucks to hand him the secret microchip she just stole from the high-security compound (She later learns that he is the bad guy--*after* he bones her, of course!) and in another she throws a scalding hot Starbucks latte on a villain to foil a bank robbery.

Does your character have any superpowers or extraordinary abilities? Um--she can have an orgasm from having her nipples sucked?

Nudity? Full frontal? Lots of boob shots!

Sex scene? Maybe two. The solo scene in the shower doesn't count against this total, does it?

Who would your love interest be played by? Vin Diesel

Would the viewers cry? Nope--no sappy stuff!

What memorable line or scene would embed itself into pop culture? (i.e. Jack Nicholson "You can't handle the truth!") There would be a scene where I am escaping out the window after the bad guys have shot up my condo, and I'm climbing down a rope in my bra and panties, and the thick rope is nestled between my breasts...

What *previous* pop culture references would show up in *your* movie? Oh, we have to somehow work a light saber duel in somewhere. Those are kewl.

Would your movie be a marketing device? (i.e. You've Got Mail--AOL) It would be the ultimate marketing device for Fredericks of Hollywood!

What would the closing scene look like? I would be walking away from fire and carnage, slightly banged up and of course my clothing would be torn and revealing. I would toss my UZI aside because all the bad guys have been neutralized--or so I think. The villainess whom we all thought was dead comes stumbling after me with a lead pipe with a blood-curdling yell. I turn around and whack her with a boob, then I walk off.

What song would play as the closing credits rolled? Silent Night by Bon Jovi

Can we expect a sequel? Maybe a direct to video, then perhaps a fairly lousy sitcom which is self-titled and lasts exactly one season. Then on to a talk show...

Feel free to copy to other blogs and fill in your own answers!

Your company's authorized internet usage policy

Had a meeting today--someone from MIS mentioned keeping personal internet usage to a minimum, and to avoid accessing porn--for some reason suddenly *everyone* was looking AT ME...

Hurt me so good

I am thinking about one of those plastic runner mats which one would use to protect a heavily trafficked carpet area. To be more specific, I am thinking of the sharp protrusions on the bottom side of the mat, which adhere it to the carpet. In my fantasy my lover flips the mat over, then strips me naked and lays me down on top of all those sharp little bumps, then climbs on top of me and fucks the hell out of me. My back, my ass are screaming out as he puts all of his weight on me. I'm digging my nails into his back and cumming all over his cock, oh gawwwwd does it hurt! Not nearly as much as when he stands and pulls me to a kneeling position on the mat, and presents his cock to me to lick and suck my juices off of it....

Off to Lowe's

Day-um! Do you have any idea how many towel bars hubby and I have ripped off of our bathroom wall? Do these come in industrial strength, by chance?

Safety Warning

Women who travel alone need to be made aware of a relatively new threat to their safety, which is occurring mostly in large metropolitan areas. In this ploy, a clean, handsome-looking man will pull up next to a woman at a traffic light and ask her for directions to somewhere nearby, usually somewhere in a warehouse district. The man will ask if the woman can show him how to get there, and will suggest that he follow her there. Once the woman gets onto an abandoned side street with the other car following, two or three more cars will appear from various directions and seal off the woman's route of escape. The cars will contain several men who will pull the victim out of her vehicle, often forming a circle around her and forcing her to her knees to perform oral sex. This is followed by them ripping her clothing off, bending her over the hood of her car and taking turns having sex with her.

Be very cautious out there. This happened to me on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I drove around for three hours but couldn't find them on Friday.

5 things

5 things in my fridge

1. Snapple iced tea
2. White Zinfadel
3. Leftover lasagna
4. A cucumber
5. Boneless chicken breasts

5 things in my closet

1. Scandalous red dress
2. A little suitcase on a very high shelf *giggle*
3. Platforms and pumps
4. Numerous skeletons
5. Cablemodem box

5 things in my car

1. Starbucks coffee tumbler cup
2. Ronny Jordan CD
3. Cellphone charger
4. Towel
5. Road atlas

5 things in my purse

1. About 15 credit cards
2. Silver bullet
3. Gum
4. Palmpilot
5. Map of Missouri (don't ask)

Pull my hair...

Gawd, but I need two things right now. I need for someone to get a nice firm grip and pull the fuck out of my hair--and I need a throbbing cock. Grab a handful of my blonde hair and force me to my knees. Or maybe a doggystyle screwing with my head being pulled back--the harder the better. And if my head is being pulled back to line my mouth up with a second cock kneeling in front of me--*so* much the better!